Copyright © 2006 All rights reserved. [Churches Child Protection Advisory Service]
Q: What might be the fall-out for a neglected child as they get older? (A foster carer from Kent)
There is absolutely no doubt that problems are likely to arise as a child grows up if they have a neglected or abusive background. I will outline briefly some of these difficulties, but it is important to understand that children react to their past in different ways.
Neglected children are less able to form good attachments - emotional bonds with significant people in their lives - because they have not had this experience as a young child. As children, they can have very poor understanding of significant people in their lives. They lack stability and may have no respect for those in authority. Other emotional and psychological disturbances may arise such as anger, anxiety or depression. Problems with attachment can lead to a tendency to make inappropriate relationships in later life. Many professionals working with looked-after and adopted children see this as the most important area to affect the child through his or her life. Extreme difficulties may be described as 'reactive attachment disorder'. For a fuller understanding of this - see Howe et al (1999).
If the extent of the neglect amounts to abuse, then the problems arising from trying to survive in that situation may include:
Children who have been neglected can carry strong feelings of loss and rejection into adulthood. The feelings may be so strong that they almost expect to be rejected and in the teenage years may become very rejecting themselves. Some teenagers still suffer the effects of past trauma, which plunge them back into the past abusive or rejecting situation. Others may never have experienced flashbacks as children, but as young parents or at other life stages, flashbacks may suddenly be triggered.
Children and young people do get stuck in patterns of behaviour and these are often carried through to adulthood. For example, a girl who has had to be the 'parenting child' for siblings in a neglect-ful household may have the tendency to be bossy and over-mothering.
Developmental problems may become more apparent as the child becomes older. This is compounded by the fact that not only has the child's early stimulation and education been poor but, with many moves, schooling may have been disrupted. At each change of placement the child's emotions will affect their ability to learn.
This presents a bleak picture! Teenagers and young adults with abuse and neglect as part of their past can appear to be chaotic and disturbed. This might even look like demon possession to some carers, but it is normal fall-out from abnormal, averse experiences.
However, the good news is that some children are more resilient and quickly adapt to positive placements. Others need more than love and care but may well respond to appropriate therapy. If your looked-after child has difficulties in any of the above areas, then do try to access this help. Therapy is likely to focus on helping to build positive attachments, dealing with issues such as separation and loss, overcoming the effects of abuse and helping the child or young person to build a strong sense of self. You may be able to do some of this yourself and books such as 'Creative Therapy for Children in New Families' and 'Next Steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts' should help you in this.
Also, don't forget to use the other resources at your disposal. Teenagers are notorious for not talking to their own carers, but choosing someone else. Try to guide that choice so that suitable influences are available to them. For example, is there someone in your church who your child relates well to? If so, try to include them in helping your child. Or if your child has made a Christian commitment, then gentle Christian counselling may be appropriate as well.
Finally, whatever they are working through, remember to treat your young person gently, lovingly and prayerfully. He or she has problems not of their own making.
References and further reading
Archer, C (1999): Next Steps in Parenting the Child who Hurts. Jessica Kingsley Publishers, London.
Hobday et al (2002): Creative Therapy for Children in New Families. BPS Blackwell, Oxford.
Howe et al (1999): Attachment Theory, Child Maltreatment and Family Support: a practice and assessment model. Macmillan Press Ltd., London.
Written by Angela Hobday
Angela Hobday is a clinical psychologist with many years experience working with 'looked after' children and is the author of several books. If you have a question for Angela why don't you write to her at 'Ask Angela' PO Box 133, Swanley, Kent or email her at info@ccpas.co.uk .
