“Still under construction” is Rachel King's personal account of the lasting effects of her early upbringing. In it she reflects on the foundational importance of her relationship with her mother. It is a brave and honest account, which underlines both the emotional damage that can be done by cold and inconsistent parenting and the possibility of change and healing. There is a message of hope here for those who are struggling with the legacy of childhood unhappiness.

Attachment theory is a branch of human psychology that attempts to explain the nature of the bond which develops between an infant and his or her care giver and the effects of this bond on the child's social and emotional development. Attachment theory has its origins in experimental work with animals and was pioneered by John Bowlby who devoted his life to gaining a better understanding of infant-mother relationships. In the early 1940s, just after the close of the Second World War, John Bowlby was asked by the United Nations World Health Organisation to study the effects of mother-child separation in early childhood. Bowlby, who had a background in Freudian psychiatry, studied very closely the behaviour of mothers and babies and concluded:

What is believed to be essential for mental health is that the infant and young child should experience a warm, intimate and continuous relationship with his mother (or a permanent mother-substitute) in which both find satisfaction and enjoyment.

From his observations of mother-infant relationships, using insights from ethology (the study of animal behaviour), Bowlby developed the concept of attachment. When babies and young children were separated from their mothers Bowlby and colleagues noted specific signs of distress which they called separation anxiety . The babies engaged in behaviours which seemed to be aimed at restoring closeness to their mothers. Further experimental work by other scientists substantially supported Bowlby's concept of attachment. Researchers noted that there are certain demonstrable phases of attachment that each child passes through and that the pre-school years, especially the period from 6 months to two years, are critical.

Further research, both in this country and overseas, has demonstrated that there are certain characteristic patterns of attachment that can be clearly observed in mother-child relationships. Although there are a number of ways of categorising these different attachment patterns the basic distinction observed (and these results have been replicated many times in many different situations by many different researchers) is between secure attachment and insecure attachment . It has been proved in many longitudinal studies of child development that securely attached children develop more positively across a whole range of indicators than children who are insecurely attached.

One of the reasons why early childhood experiences are so important for later life is that the developing child internalises his or her experiences as they learn their first lessons about what life is like and what to expect from other people. If those adults closest to the child (and the parent's role is critically important here) respond in a cold, careless or inconsistent way to the child's needs then the child is likely to grow up expecting those around them to be unreliable and untrustworthy. This is rarely a matter of deliberate cruelty or emotional abuse on the part of the parent. It is much more likely to be due to the parent's preoccupation with their own problems and their consequent unresponsiveness to the child. However, the parent's state of mind is unknowable to the child. The child simply experiences the behaviour. And if the experience for the child is rejection and a lack of warm, nurturing care then the child begins to think of himself or herself as being unworthy of love. Adult relationship problems, as Rachel's story illustrates, are frequently connected to low self esteem which has its roots in early childhood experiences and insecure attachment.

However, Rachel's story also illustrates the fact that just because someone has had an unhappy childhood and their relationship with their mother has caused problems for them, all is not lost. Attachment is not just about mothers; fathers matter too, as do other caring adults like relatives, friends, teachers, mentors etc. Moreover, these relationship patterns established early in life can be transformed. Change is often difficult and painful but through reflection and insight and helped by wise counsel adults can become aware of some of the negative patterns of thinking and behaviour they carry with them from their childhood. Rebuilding on solid foundations is possible and, for the Christian, the knowledge of God's strong love and unconditional acceptance provides a security and resilience that can compensate for what may have been lacking in early childhood.

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