The first time I met Dr Hickin, I must confess to being pleasantly surprised and also somewhat relieved. I am not an academic and having recently attended a school reunion after twenty 'something' years and been transported back, albeit temporarily, to the heady days of the sixth form, I can remember clearly the recurrent themes of my school reports, the 'lacks concentration' and 'could try harder' and those were comments from the teachers who wanted to be kind!

It was therefore with some apprehension that I caught the 10.05 to London-Victoria on a mission to somehow do justice to the experiences of an educated woman whom I would describe as having persevered in extreme adversity and who did not give up or abandon her faith despite the things that happened to her. When I consider the 'trials and tribulations' Dr Hickin has experienced in her personal life over the past ten years, I cannot but fail to draw comparisons with the prophet Job who 'hung in there' under great pressure. Given the same set of circumstances I am not sure I would have come out the other side displaying the same level of grace and humility.

Dr Hickin, a well known and respected Christian leader, described to me how, after almost thirty years of marriage and a reputable ministry, she walked away from it all; friends, home, ministries, status and income, changing countries and moving to a small apartment where she became dependent on state benefits. To an outside observer, even to contemplate such drastic action would seem foolish or irrational to say the least, but for someone as level-headed as Dr. Hickin, utter stupidity or what was it ?

The truth of the matter was, that in deep shock over sudden admissions her husband had made concerning his treatment of their children when they were young, coupled with his refusal to subject himself to long-term help, Dr Hickin felt she had no option but to secure some 'time out' from the relationship in relative obscurity where she could consider her future and the future of her marriage. Due to her high profile in the UK it was important for her to find somewhere guaranteeing temporary anonymity even though it meant putting her relationships with friends and work colleagues on temporary hold.

Although Dr Hickin is now aware of how shocked people must themselves have been, unfortunately, it appears that some of the important people in Dr. Hickin's life in Britain at the time, both professional and personal, did little to try to understand the reasons for her departure or gain a balanced perspective of the situation. It seems many relied heavily on their own perceptions of the situation through ignorance, misinformation or simply not knowing what to do or how to react. This hits all the harder when someone who has a high profile in the public arena takes a course of action that appears to be out of character. We forget at the end of the day that even the most trusted and respected are not immune from human tragedy. Most if not all of us will experience some degree of trauma at some time in our lives. It is my belief that part of being a Christian is getting along side and standing by those who hit a crisis rather than making them feel misunderstood or at the very worst, ostracised and isolated. A good friend of mine recently lost a baby under particularly distressing circumstances and she told me that people she knew, even some close Christian friends, didn't know what to say to her during her period of crisis. So to avoid embarrassment they made little contact with her at the one time when she needed their understanding and support. I sensed during my conversation with Dr Hickin that there was an element of this in the way some of her British friends and colleagues reacted to her situation. Her experiences could have left her angry and bitter but as we talked I found it difficult to detect any resentment towards those who had mistreated her.

Dr Hickin is a woman who believed with absolute certainty that God had called her into her marriage partnership. She therefore took no action during all those years to bring it to an end, even though her children tried to persuade her to. Her husband has since divorced her and remarried. In retrospect, Dr Hickin acknowledges that there were signs of dysfunction early on in her marriage, especially after the children were born, and she now regrets not having addressed those issues differently when they first arose, even if this had affected her husband's ministry. No doubt many of us have instances in our lives that, with the benefit of hindsight, we would have handled differently. My biblical understanding and experience is that God's grace is extended freely to us when we face situations such as these.

Dr. Hickin's perspective of her former husband is of someone highly gifted but damaged by his own early life experiences, in need o f appropriate help and understanding which should have been forthcoming from his colleagues at the time the marriage broke down. It appears some of the responsibility for this rested with his denial of their family situation but this was exacerbated by those around him, professional people in ministry who would not accept there might have been a problem. Tragically further damage was caused to Dr Hickin, her children and her former husband through those irresponsible actions and reactions.

Dr Hickin has spent the last eight years rebuilding her life and ministries, supported by the relationships of value to her. Having faced and dealt with much of her personal pain she is now reaping the benefits of a more relaxed enjoyment of her two children and her small grandson. She is spiritual adviser to clergy teams, couples and individuals, in London and Oxford, she advises on emotional literacy in high schools and sits on the CCPAS Council of Management. Considering all that she has been through, one of the most touching compliments paid to Dr Hickin was from two young adults whom she has counselled for the effects of childhood abuse and who now regard her as 'mum'! Dr Hickin does not blame God for what has happened. She told me that even in her darkest moments she knew God was there though sometimes she doubted He could do much about her situation. God's ability to work through her circumstances was proved to her unequivocally and in very practical ways such as when she, realised that she needed accommodation and she approached a local Housing Association for help. I have worked in the social housing field for most of my professional life and I have never encountered a situation where an individual walks into a Housing office and within a short space of time is offered not one, but five flats to rent. It is difficult enough these days to be accepted on to a waiting list and be made one offer of accommodation, let alone five! And one of the five was only three streets away from where her son and his family lived.

Dr. Hickin now describes herself as clearer and wiser and a great deal more fearless. Rather than having allowed her experiences to destroy her, her pain has become a spearhead for change. One of the positive ways she has taken action is by setting up a theological 'Think Tank' involving people from different walks of the Christian life to try to address the church's difficulties in facing reality. Her hope is that in the future those involved in positions of authority and influence, will respond with compassion and an understanding based on a true biblical perspective.

Despite having degrees in Theology (we won't hold that against her), Dr Hickin is warm and approachable and I really needn't have worried or been apprehensive about our meeting. I caught the train back to my home town acutely aware that although many of 'the positives', as Dr Hickin would describe them, were taken from her, God is obviously in the business of restoration and more than that, giving back those things I imagine she may have thought had been lost forever.

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