Our faith may lead us to consider fostering (and/or adoption) as an outworking of the impact of the gospel in our own lives but what impact does our Christianity have on others?  Is our faith perceived as a bind or a bonus?   Will we find ourselves in situations where we will have to compromise our integrity as we seek to serve the Lord Jesus and the Agency?  These are the sort of questions that are often uppermost in the minds of Christian couples and increasingly in recent years, singles too, who are considering welcoming a child into their home.   The people who question Ray and me are usually members of lively church communities, sometimes in leadership, and their faith is the axis on which their lives spin.  How will we balance our faith and our fostering?   What are the likely hurdles we will need to clear? 

Let's presume that Mr and Mrs Christian have been thinking about fostering or maybe adoption and have approached various agencies, possibly their local social services and looked through the literature and perhaps attended an introductory evening.   After discussion with friends, family, existing foster carers/adoptive parents and their church leaders, they have decided to go ahead and make an application.  In due course they are invited to attend a training and assessment course and undergo a series of home visits by a social worker who wants to know everything, including what they have for breakfast!

Mr and Mrs Christian's experience of  this process will not be much different to Ms Ann Other's.   After their initial nervousness they feel reasonably at ease with most people on the course, including the tutors.  The social worker who comes to visit is helpful, frank and friendly.  All are aware that the recruiting agency will need to weed out unsuitable candidates.  Motives for wishing to care for a child and possible areas of conflict will need to be explored.  Christians may be questioned to eliminate them being potential  “Bible Bashers” (what will you do if one of your charges comes home pregnant?   Or, another says he/she is gay?).  Church attendance (will it be enforced? or are there  too many meetings vying for the carers time?  What sort of church is it?)  All this will be looked at alongside discipline (smacking not allowed).  Tolerance, tact and understanding of other cultures, faiths and beliefs (we had an adolescent placed with us because her family claimed the ghost who lived with them was going through a bad patch) will be tested alongside many other attributes that are required.

Most, if not all, candidates will find the whole process challenging and intrusive whatever their beliefs. Sometimes the questioning and  training can seem very negative and even silly!  Fortunately, it can be fun too and a bit of an eye opener.  It is also an opportunity for learning,  personal growth and development and a time when new friendships can be made. 

I rang some friends who are church leaders and asked how they had found the challenge of blending their faith with fostering.   Michael and Sue told me that in response to the application to their “progressive” inner city borough they were invited to attend a training and appraisal course.  Initially, they felt they were viewed with mistrust because of their Christian lifestyle although someone with a lesbian lifestyle, who complained that the content was far too heterosexual in application, was met with an apology and the promise that this would be reviewed.  There were two other couples who were gay (one was apparently an elder at a local church).  For Michael and Sue,  just attending the course was a shock and feeling that their lifestyle was not viewed with quite the same tolerance was a bit off-putting.

Michael and Sue found the home appraisal disconcerting and long winded and when Michael was asked to write a “sort of “ thesis, he said “It's a wonder you have any foster carers if the recruitment process is this hard!”  He was then informed that it was his church they were checking out.   Eventually the Department was satisfied.  Michael says that initially social workers and link workers, on placing a young person, would say things like “these people go to church, but you don't have to”.   Several years later attitudes have changed.  Michael is now the Chair of the Foster Carers' Association and social workers are now more likely to say  “these people go to church, you don't have to, but we think it probably a good idea if you do.”

Michael and Sue have proved themselves to be trustworthy and have worked well with the Department and other foster carers.  They are happy to report that currently there are around eighteen people in their church who are involved actively in fostering and many more who act as supports to those people.  Michael says “ community based church family is well placed to assist foster children and those who foster.  If the church in this country really took it on we could wipe out the shortage of foster carers”.   If it means that sometimes, as Christians, we may find ourselves with bigger hurdles to cross, does that really matter?  It may be hard but that does not mean it is impossible. 

Michael makes an interesting observation.  “Coming from a multi-racial area, many of our carers would describe themselves as West Indian and a lot are very committed Christians.  Funnily enough it seems that they can 'get away' with expressing very strong Christian views.  In the early days when I tentatively offered such a view (though not half as firmly) I found myself jumped on. “You can't express those kinds of views here!”.

Another very good and committed carer is  Muslim and was allowed to express her view quite forcibly when we were in training whilst our views were not allowed.  If  black carers express their beliefs is it considered culturally acceptable?”

We are called to be salt and light.  Perhaps we Christians have been guilty of trying to force people to swallow salt by the bucket load and have shone “the light” into people's eyes so strongly that we have blinded them and some of the reactions we experience are self-inflicted.  Here is an example of how a pinch of salt works:  Recently at a case conference one of Michael and Sue's foster children was very angry with her social worker and demanding retribution . Sue asked the young person if she forgave her boyfriend when he did something wrong.  She assented.  Sue then asked “Can't you forgive your social worker too?” “I guess so” the young woman replied.  Sue says there was a queue of professionals afterward wanting to speak with her, wanting to understand this “new” method that she was introducing called “forgiveness” !

Let's presume Mr and Mrs Christian, having jumped the main hurdle of being approved as carers, now face the day to day challenges of blending  faith with fostering.  Cheer up, Mr and Mrs C.   It isn't that daunting. Perhaps it helps to clarify what we mean by “religion”.  Bill Wilson, founder of Metro Inner City Sunday Schools in Brooklyn, was an abandoned child.  Someone reached out to that child and introduced Bill not to the concept of religious belief but to the love of God in ACTION.  That “someone” changed Bill's life forever and, through Bill, countless other lives too.  The apostle James puts it this way, “Real religion, the kind that passes muster before God the Father is this:  Reach out to the homeless and the loveless in their plight, and guard against corruption from the godless world.  Faith  and works, works and faith fit together like hand in glove.” (Message version)  

As Christian carers, Ray and I cannot divorce our faith from our fostering and the fruit that comes from this  inevitably has a Christian flavour:

Becky was a Roman Catholic and was encouraged by staff at her school for deaf children to pray and have a faith in God.  When she came to us at the age of 15 she wished to attend the local Roman Catholic Church as she had been brought up to attend Mass.  I accompanied her as she needed signing for and I enjoyed it more than she did!  However, she also came along to our (New Church) social events and then expressed the wish to come along to our meetings as she had made friends.  I was anxious about this but she asked her social worker who said Becky was of an age to make up her own mind.  Becky said it was a lot of fuss about nothing “it's the same Christian  God”.

Jon was 14 when he came to us and did not have a religion.  He came along to the Friday evening club and gradually made friends.  Jon became involved in summer activities and  was thrilled with what was going on.  Jon seemed to find a lot of inner healing as he spent time praying and consequently Jon's behaviour changed dramatically and his relationships with his family were much improved.  Jon also read the lesson at the Civic Carol Service (held at the local C of E but Churches Together participated).   This was a big step as Jon is statemented,  a school refuser and is not confident with his reading skills and there were around 400 people present.  Jon then wanted to get baptised.  His mother gave permission for this. Jon also got involved in DJ-ing at Youth Club, socials and church.  He is now good enough to offer his services for private parties and events  for a fee!  He was even the DJ at the Social Services Christmas Party!

Jamie (11) came from a non-church background and was  a very disturbed and unhappy child.  He wanted to come along to church but as we only met on Sunday evenings and he had school he was not allowed to, except once or twice in the school holiday, and then for only part of the worship..  He did attend clubs and social events.  Jamie had a Christian teacher who spoke to him a lot and he expressed the wish to “be a Christian”.  We neither encouraged nor discouraged this.  His social worker at the time said, in regard to attending church, “Well, it might do him some good”.  I think one of the biggest advantages Jamie has experienced is that he has made friends,  possibly for the first time ever, as he finds peers difficult (and relationships generally).  Being loved and accepted by the church family has given him a lot of confidence.

Sacha is 15 and his parents have Buddhist beliefs.  Sacha is a deep thinker and raids my study for books and some of these are written from a Christian perspective.  He is interested in self help books and is trying to make sense of his life.  (He has a disability and feels his parents are abusive).  We have not spoken to him about our faith, as such, but he does ask very penetrating questions.  He did go to a meeting with my 18 year old son at his own request while we were on holiday.

Jack is three and his mum moved in when she was expecting him.  His mother seriously describes herself as “pagan” and was very anti Christianity because of her Roman Catholic upbringing which she feels was abusive and oppressive.  However, after a few weeks she said “ I was scared ****less that you would ram religion down my throat but you don't, you just sort of live it”.  Jack still lives with us but Mum now lives close by and baby-sits for all the children so that we can attend church on Sunday evenings. 

Apparently she has lost her nervousness of mixing with “religious” people and even had my small group (cell/homegroup for the initiated) at her flat for a social event.

The children have benefited from the church family parties and social events.  We have been able to relax knowing that they will have a really good time in a safe environment.  The support network provided by our church (cleaning, cooking, ironing, babysitting and be-friending) is invaluable too.  Our back up carer is a 60 year old granddad who has moved in on occasion and taken over so that we could have much needed holidays.  He and his wife are part of a small support group in the church who meet with us regularly for prayer and discussion and they have recommended that we have a complete break for a couple of months  which we are about to do.  Carers are notoriously bad at looking after themselves!  

Mr and Mrs Christian, I think you and the children benefit from the principles of the Children's Act.  These acknowledge the importance of religion and spirituality  and this has brought about more respect for  personal beliefs, be they child's or carer's.  It is now expected that carers will try to care for the spiritual and moral well being of children as well as their physical and emotional development.  Of course, this can mean all things to all people, as Michael found out at the end of a recent preparing to foster course:

“ I think there needs to be a spiritual element in the placement of children” said a  participant

“What do you have in mind?” The social workers cried enthusiastically

“ I think that we should check all the children's star signs before placing them into their foster homes!” she replied.

Erm!

As Michael says, it does actually demonstrate that we all have spiritual dimension and need.  I guess we could take a lead from the apostle Paul when he spoke to the city council in Athens and trod carefully, showing respect and exercising wisdom. I agree, too, that “We must acknowledge that there are a lot of good people out there who may not share our faith in Christ but they care about their community and they care about the children who need to be fostered.  They are doing a good job in a difficult arena”. 

Yes, Mr and Mrs C (and Ms Ann Other), fostering is a difficult arena and we are fortunate to have our faith and our churches working hand in glove with us  - and so are the children we care for!

Maddy

NB  All names changed.  

PS Mr and Mrs C.  Don't forget CCPAS are always here to offer help and advice.

CCPAS find that Christian carers are often more sensitive than others to the needs of children from different faith backgrounds.  On the other hand, Christians with a child in care have rung us to say that the needs of their child have not been recognised by their non-Christian carers who have not been prepared to facilitate church attendance etc.

In our project at Chamberlain House we provide respite care for children with severe disabilities.  The children come from a range of cultures and faiths and these are aspects which are always discussed with parents to ensure the needs of children are met.  Children who have a weekend placement often attend church.  If any child (or parent/carer) does not wish this to happen, then it doesn't.  The matter is always discussed with parents and their agreement sought.  There has never been any conflict on this issue with any of the children, parents/carers or the placing local authority.  Parents of other faiths would, in our experience, often prefer to see their child placed with Christians than with someone of no faith.  What they would find difficult is that their child is being brought up in a secular environment where values are less clearly defined.

 

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